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Category Archives: heaven

I stand alone, confined within this space
But only your eyes see my disgrace
I cannot swallow my shameful regrets
A painful wind – it steals my breath

I hate the way that I constantly behave
I am lost even though I am saved
To flee this world and all it brings
When I die will my soul have wings?

Why do I stumble?
Why do I lie?
Without you Lord
I cannot fly

I am this fool
Flat on my face
I want to run
Out of this place

Why do I laugh?
When I should cry
I am so lost
This hurt inside

My soul screams out, stands up to fight
Choking tears now drown my life
Where is your light?
Jesus I am missing you tonight

Standing in bedroom last night talking to my wife,
I can see the heartbreak in her eyes.
She had been wanting something for so long and
all signs pointed to it’s coming. She looks at me and asks,
“Why does God not like me?” I tell her right away,
“God loves you more than anyone ever could.”

She says, “Why did He break His promise to me?
I have wanted this for so long and I knew that the Pastor
on TV was speaking to me. I knew it was time.”
I told her, “God does not break promises and trust
His word and not the words of man.” She counters,
“He speaks through people though.”
“Yes He does”, I said, “He may have been speaking to someone else.”

Then she was silent. I have never seen her faith so tested and her heart so torn before.
I then looked up at this very old picture that her Grandmother had given to us.
It was a picture of Jesus with two sheep, one on each side of Him and He was holding a lamb in His arms. I told my wife as I pointed to the picture, “I would do anything to take away your hurt, but only He can repair the tear in your heart.”

My wife looks at me with tears in her eyes and says, “He does not speak to me. He only stands there with that lamb in His arms.” In the most gentle and loving way I could speak to her I said, “Sweetheart, that lamb in His arms is you.”

I cannot remember the last time, a past time,
when I held you.
I cannot linger on what you bring here,
this joy that I cling to.

I have knelt weeping, unbroken keeping,
this covenant you gave me.
With my heart raised and my eyes glazed,
I can feel what you have done to me.

I see you looking over the edge, and you,
you just keep shaking your head.
Is there room in there for me?
When there have been greater there before me.

Will I reach to touch the fingertips?
Will I see words breathe from your lips?
So come what may become of me,
what are theses images that I see?

In my hollow, you will follow,
to take back the soul that I borrowed.
Illuminating, always chasing,
for it is my life that you are saving.

Images of you within me

Why do I have all of these inhibitions?
I keep pounding my head on the mantle of my life.
I feel your love and compassion,
but my ignorance and stupidity keep me from it.

To chase you, to know that you are standing around me.
My heart is blessed, my mind is cursed.
Why the humanness that binds me?
I will keep chasing when there is no need.

I will follow and seek forgiveness.
I will pray that pain and misery subside.
I will love thee the only way I know how.
I will stand in the breath of your shadow.

I will, but will I completely?
Will I fail, can I keep astride?
Then your death brings remembrance,
that the chase is there no more.

You found me, you love ME!
You died for me!
I could never deserve this,
this chase you have already finished.

As you whispered, “Forgive them Father,
they know not what they do.”
This agony, tearing of my heart,
this unimaginable truth.

Unbearable, insufferable, and horrific pain
taken for a miscreant’s expense.
Passage of time and men, this still clings to my
heart after generations of lights have been spent.

Forgive me, forgive me Father as this scourge
remains fixed to my hand.
To be sightless, ignorant of the Savior,
this hammer I wield at the Son of man.

Driving, striking, pushing these irons
through the carapace of God’s mortality.
Lifting, up heaving this tree of damnation,
the motionless gaze of your body’s frailty.

Gasping, moments of breath from heaven,
I peer at the crown of exaltation.
Your last, your precious last draw of life
I grapple the lance, thrusting conformation.

By my hands…

We are all guilty of His death. Only God could go through this and still offer us eternity.”

When I call upon you Jesus,
can I lay down at your feet?
When all this pain surrounds me,
you put my soul at ease.

Can I catch one blessing,
one word from your lips?
Can I find glory in your shadow?
Am I strong enough for this?

My tears are not worthy,
to wash sand from off your feet.
Can I have one touch of mercy,
is there enough for me?

Is there a place for me in heaven,
A seat right on the edge?
Where my eyes can see your glory,
I would hang off the ledge.

I do not need a mansion,
I pray for just one kiss.
To sing and dance for you forever,
would you permit me this?

I know I am unworthy,
there is nothing that I know.
But I would praise you my whole life
to hold one stitch of your robe.

Lord how can you forgive me,
a million times or more
I know you’ve told me a million times,
but what did you do this for?

For my edge of heaven

You are the tree that shades me,
from the fears that besiege me.
From this darkness that inhibits my day.

Your amnesty flows like the oceans,
as I go through the motions.
Knowing all of this will soon pass away.

My burden is a feather,
but I feel my body has been severed.
From this weight, I cannot take anymore.

The chances that I fate,
the trials that I take,
these labyrinths always lead to your door.

Christ’s body was thin,
but He was conqueror of men.
His book of destiny, love abides for all time.

There are answers for the listen,
Heaven for submission.
For His fate governs our hearts and our minds.

Three wishes converted into three loving prayers
Hopeless without God who oversees my affairs
Resigning wishes to the lost hearts of this place
Ecstatically resting this first prayer upon our fate
Every heart is true love, my first prayer, Amen

Whispers, that your Spirit transcends every soul
I see the second of prayers as my wishes unfold
Surrounded by grace, your beautiful atmosphere
Hearing ballads of the hosts, aroma to our ears
Even with three prayers, only the last will atone
Sent: my last; we all kneel before God’s throne